


Am I Not Worth Waiting For?

by TeryInvanity



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Acceptance, Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Companions, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, M/M, Sexual Frustration, Sexual Tension, Sexuality Crisis
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-03
Updated: 2017-10-27
Packaged: 2018-11-23 02:33:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,479
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11393571
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeryInvanity/pseuds/TeryInvanity
Summary: (Bilbos POV)What is going on with me? Am I Broken? I want to show him but I just cant inside. Thorin is suspicious and I'm not sure he approves through I don't know the specifics of Dwarf Law(s). I know Bofur is trying to be patient, but I'm afraid he will leave if I can't give him what he wants. I don't know what to do.





	1. I didn't notice him when he noticed me immediatley...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the battle Bilbo decides to stick around to help before heading home. He starts reminiscing through this whole journey and all he sees is Bofur protecting him. He never saw it before. He has to see him..

_(Bilbo's POV)_

 

_Deciding to stay in Erebor was a really hard decision, but after the War and the defeat of Azog. Thorin is struggling to recuperate. He gave everything to fight for what is rightfully his. Erebor is in need of some rejuvenation, so I volunteered to pitch in and stay until everything is settled. This at least gives me some down time to figure out what is going on between Bofur and I. This whole adventure I have been cared for by this dwarf who I've never really looked at before. With the constant move there wasn't exactly a lot of time to worry about companionship. He clearly cares for me though. He always made sure I was present and safe. He put himself between three dozen elves believing we were in danger. Though we weren't, the fact he that he pulled me behind him to protect me just gives me more than respect for this dwarf._

 

“I have to at least try to talk to him,” Bilbo mumbles to himself. Bilbo goes from his room that Thorin gave him and aimlessly starts walking through each hall. Not entirely sure where he is headed. The halls are still lined with gold coins as Bilbo looks through the crumbled wreckage Smaug left behind. He makes his way to the dining hall. If he isn't there usually Bombur is and he should know where Bilbo can find him.

 

He enters the dining hall to see Bifur and Bombur digging around in barrels. Bilbo calls out “Um, hello?” Bombur looks up to answer. “Oh, hello Bilbo you didn't happen upon some flour on your way in, did ya?” Bilbo quickly scans the room. “I did not but do you know where I might find..” He gets cut off “Found it Bombur!” Bofur shouts from the back. “Oh, Bilbo! Its..” Bofur steps on a coin and slips straight to the floor. There is flour all over him like a blanket of powdered snow in the Shire. “Its You!” Bofur finished. Concern turns to a mischievous smile. “You can't do anything without dramatics, can you?” Bilbo bantered as he offered his hand to assist Bofur to his feet, as if he needs help. Bofur retorts “Well where is the fun without all of the dramatics?” Bofur chuckles and takes Bilbo's offered hand. “Sorry boys about the flour, but I need a wash before I can finish helping.” Bilbo quickly speaks up “Um, Bofur might I accompany you on your walk to the washroom? I have something of import to discuss.” Bofur turn around to rebut, but he sees Bilbo's expression and body language and agrees to have him along.

 

_(Bofur's POV)_

 

_The urgency in his voice something has to be the matter. I hope he is alright. I would give anything to relieve his stress he seems to be carrying. Whatever it may be it is quiet a bit difficult to concentrate with all of the flour in me 'knooks and crannys'. Just getting to see him and be near him a short time is worth it for me. It is such a real disappointment that he doesn't see that way I look at him. I can never stop looking at every feature of his. His short nose and the way his eyes shine when he smiles. Curiosity eats at me as we walk with haste to my washroom. We finally arrive to my sleeping quarters, I guess I should call it my bedroom now that I have a home, I rush to my washroom to clean myself up._

 

“I'll just be a minute, don't you go anywhere alright?” Bofur nearly shouting from his washroom as Bilbo nervously tries to find a place to sit. He replies trying to match his volume “Uh, ya um that's quite alright take your time!” Bilbo is mumbling to himself trying to build his courage. He has never imagined himself potentially with a companion before now, before him. The water sloshing ceases from behind the door. Bofur emerges in trousers and a towel around his neck with his hair down. Bilbo has never seen Bofur in such a vulnerable state before. Bofur throws on the first thing he finds. As he throws his shirt over his head Bilbo can't help but take a small peek.

 

Bofur turns to sit in a chair facing Bilbo, “So what is this matter of importance?” He asks humorously. “I guess I was a bit too serious before. This is serious but it is more of a personal matter,” Bilbo mutters nervously. Bofur sits forward “Well, I am all ears.” Bilbo takes a deep breath and reluctantly starts, “I was just thinking about all the company has endured. People and others we have encountered. Why were you so quick to protect me? You didn't know me I had only just joined the company. When did you decide I was worth protecting?” Bilbo tries to avoid eye contact. Bofur being slightly surprised by his sudden outburst on this answers, “In my eyes when you join a company with us you become one of us. Agreeing to fight or attempting to fight with us shows me your are with us no matter what it costs. You became one of us as soon as you stepped out your door that morning. I took initiative in protecting you because I knew that you were going to be very important to me... Excuse me the company. I knew you couldn't fight so I made sure you were safe. I will always try to make sure you are safe.”

 

Bilbo knew what he wanted to say but he couldn't seem to cough it up. The first thing out of his choked up gullet is, “I'm so sorry Bofur..” Bofur rushes to sit beside him and lifts his chin up to look at him, “Don't you dare apologize. It was an honor to protect you and be by your side. I wouldn't have had it any other way.” Bilbo grasps Bofur's hand that was on his face, “No I mean I'm sorry for not seeing it. This entire time you looked after me and made sure I was treated like an equal part of the company. You saw me when I couldn't see you. I'm sorry that I didn't see you Bofur.” Bofur's eyes swell, but he keeps his composure. He looks right in the face that he has examined over and over, “Well, open your eyes Bilbo Baggins. Do you see me now?” Bilbo meets his eyes and answers, “As clear as if you are An Arkenstone made only for me.” Bofur pulls Bilbo in for a long awaited embrace. Bofur then kisses him and Bilbo follows him. Breathing in time together like they finally move as one. Bilbo pulls away just holding Bofur's face. “We are definitely revisiting this later. Go make dinner Bombur and Bifur need your hardworking hands,” Bilbo sputter out, out of breath. Bofur smirks, “Hardworking hands huh?” He is reluctant, but he eventually goes while Bilbo makes his way back to his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be kind. This is my first fanfic and It was a bit difficult trasnfer my thoughts on screen.   
> Criticism is welcomed  
> Hate is not


	2. Something is wrong.. I'm broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After seeing Bofur last Bilbo doesn't know what to do or say. He nervously anticipates what will happen when he sees Bofur again. He can't seem to stop thinking about him..

_(Bilbo's POV)_

_It has been a few days since the conversation, if you would like to call it that, between me and Bofur. I have been avoiding just a bit while still remaining busy, so it was easy to try and fill my mind. Yet somewhere in the back of my mind the moments we shared just keep popping up at the most inopportune moments. That's why I have been so work focused. The City of Erebor has been looking more and more like the original royal paintings, back to normal, each day. Nori, Dori, and Ori have been in charge of clearing the gold to the royal hall. Dwalin, Balin, and Thorin have been on guard duty keeping a whether eye. Bofur and Bifur go where they are needed, but mostly have been helping Bombur in the kitchen seeing that we all eat. I have just been trying not to get lost most days. It is a city after all, Gandalf and I have been disposing of the dead because some of the dwarves in our company had family here and it is a difficult thing to tend to. I needed a wash after today it was foul. So I washed up had some dinner and I sat down with a book. Though it is quite difficult to follow seeing that it is a dwarvish book. I get an abrupt knock of my door._

 

“Well who in the devil would ring me at this hour?” He mumbles to himself as he heads towards his door. As he grabs the handle he has a feeling he knows who it is. His hand felt a bit heavy pulling the door when he saw a cheerful Bofur at the door with his fist up as if to knock again. “Evening Bilbo,” he greeted softly, “I heard you were cleaning out the escape room where everyone was trapped. I just wanted to stop by and see if ye were alright.” He spoke to Bilbo low like, he seemed deeply concerned for his well being. Bilbo look out his door both ways and sees no one. He motions Bofur in, “Come inside I don't wish to speak of this aloud.”

He comes inside and shuts the door as Bilbo gets him a chair. “It was awful Bofur. Just the terrified looks on their faces and don't even get me started on the smell.” Bilbo takes a deep breath, “I just want to forget today, alright?” Bofur knows how it is to clear out dead bodies he just wishes that Bilbo didn't have to, “That's quite alright, com'ere.” Bilbo walks to him head down. Bofur meets him half way and fully embraces him. The way his arms wrap completely around him make him feel safe and wanted. Bilbo looks at him and melts into his arms never wanting to move. This time Bilbo instigates a kiss. He places his hands on either side of Bofur's face and pulls him in for a soft but meaningful kiss. Bofur lifts Bilbo up and carries him to the bedroom never once breaking contact. He places Bilbo on the bed and begins to kiss him more roughly in a playful way almost. He moves to Bilbo's neck and down his collarbone and Bofur starts tugging on his clothes. A sense of slight fear came over Bilbo. “Wait.”

Bofur is so lost in kissing Bilbo that he doesn't hear him. Bilbo is so confused. Like why was he not enjoying this? Why this sudden sense of fear? What is wrong with him? He pushes Bofur away, “I said wait!” Bofur is shocked by such a sudden stop, “What is it? What happened?” Bilbo doesn't really know how to answer but he does, “I don't know. I just can't..” Bofur pushes the issue, “You can't what? Be with me? You can't understand that I want this? ...Or do you not want this?” Bilbo almost in tears, “Yes, I mean No. I don't know!” Bofur gathers himself and stands up, “Well why don't you find me when you know. I thought I was really clear...” To himself, “I knew I might get hurt.” Bilbo turns to go to him, but Bofur was already gone.

 

_(Bofur's POV)_

_What the hell just happened? I am so confused... But he also sounded like he was confused. Why did I ever think he could return my feelings? I am such an idiot.. I did this to myself. I just need to get out of here being near him... will kill me. I need to leave and get some space. I will just pack a small bag and find another place to stay for a while. I hope this confusion clears up for him but I wont wait forever. I've already waited so long. I don't know whats going on with him. I didn't force anything and I didn't hurt him... at least I don't thing I hurt him. I don't know what to think._

 

Bilbo goes to wash his face to gather himself. He stares at his reflection in the mirror and just breaks down. He punches the mirror and it shatters before him causing his hand to bleed. “I need to fix this I can't let this be it.” He cleans his hand and wraps it in a piece of cloth so he could go find Bofur. He is still flustered trying to navigate the halls. He makes his way to Bofur's room and the door is open. He goes inside and sees no one is the main living space. He hears a distant shuffling from the bedroom. He rushes to the bedroom to find Bofur grabbing the small amount of clothing he has not even realizing Bilbos entrance. Bilbo interrupts, “ w-what are you doing?” Bofur freezes and turns to look at Bilbo. It was the most pained look Bilbo had ever seen before. Bofur says trying not to cry, “I need to get away...” Bilbo is taken aback, “from me?” Bofur tries not to look at him, “I don't know anymore.”

Bilbo hugs Bofur around his waist from behind. Bofur just sobs so deeply in Bilbos arms, “I am so confused.. I-I would never do anything to.... wait what happened to your hand?” Bilbo pulls away, “ I-um punched my mirror.” Bofur turns to look at him, “Are you okay? Why would you do that?” Bilbo just looks a Bofur and puts his uninjured hand on his cheek. “I was so mad at myself for not being what you wanted... I don't know what wrong with me. I cant do that physical stuff right now. My mind and body are not matching my heart right now. Can we please just not go there right now until I can figure this out. Because I may not want to go far but I do know that I want you and I want to kiss you so bad right now..” Bofur pulls Bilbo to him and kisses him so full of love and still partial confusion. He fully embraces Bilbo and holds him for what seemed like hours. “I don't know whats going on with most of this either. I just want you to feel safe and comfortable and I would never do anything to hurt you Bilbo. I promise.” Bofur finally answers. Bilbo just smiles and nods in agreement, “ I should head off to bed..” Bofur asks, “Bilbo? Would you want to maybe sleep here? This big ol' bed is so lonely and no funny business I promise but I don't want you leave yet after all of this. I think both of us need not be alone right now.” Bilbo thinks about Bofur's offer, “That sounds lovely Bofur.” Bofur leads Bilbo to the bed and they fall asleep in each others arms till morning light comes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please be kind. This is my first fanfic and It was a bit difficult trasnfer my thoughts on screen.   
> Criticism is welcomed  
> Hate is not

**Author's Note:**

> I was going for a Sexuality struggle meaning bilbo knew of his feelings for bofur romantically but was unsure why he couldnt feel like fully being with him. 
> 
> Bofurs frustration with bilbo unnable to feel for him like he does for bilbo.
> 
> Their relationship strain when it comes to Thorins thoughts and advice from Gandalf
> 
> Alt. Universe where *SPOILER ALERT* Thorin lives.


End file.
